The End of an Era... And it's about time!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell became law as a compromise, in 1993, forcing it into the military budget for the following fiscal year. A bad compromise, to be sure, allowing the military off the hook, with the GBLT community, compromising the UCMJ's 1950 policy, (enacted by truman) and creating a system where GBLT soldiers could serve, but not really "be all that they could be".

Eighteen years. Eighteen years of blood, sweat, tears, living, dying, discharges, coming out, being forced out, hate and lies, it ends at 0001 tomorrow morning. It is over.

Originally called "Don't ask, Don't Tell, Don't Pursue", the idea was to allow GBLT soldiers to serve, under the cover of secrecy. The military has a code, no matter what branch you are in. And that code is one of honor. How can you serve with honor, if you have to serve with part of your life, shrouded in secrecy?

Thus began the fight. Too often, it was a partisan fight, and it shouldn't have been. It should have been a fight about what was right, human, honorable and decent.

And think about this... just think about this for a second.... did we, in our bigoted way, by discharging fifty-nine gay linguists, who speak various Arabic languages, place other American forces in harms way?

The real truth is that in the eighteen yeats that DADT was in effect, nothing has changed. No one has changed their sexual orientation. There have been no "roving gangs" of gays looking to do violence on straights. (Although, there have been the opposite, much to the horror and dismay of all).

Yes.... this IS the end of an era... And good riddance!

Finding My Voice

For the longest time, I have neglected this blog, the Unconventional Military Wife; because I wanted it to concentrate on what it is to BE a military wife. I didn’t want it to become part of what I consider to be part of my “political” voice. And the more that I fought against it, the more that it became part of what I have been fighting against. I have become a political nerd and geek, especially in the last few years, and I am reveling in it! And so, gentle readers… the Military Wife is becoming even MORE unconventional… she is about to break free from the chains of what the old establishment of military, when a man’s commander could charge a man with “failure to control his dependent” to loud mouth… I am finding my voice!

So, on that note, I find that there are many things that I want to say. Beginning with the statement that I am what my military spouse calls “a pinkocommieliberal” (all one word).  What does that mean, exactly? Well, it’s kind of half a joke and half serious.

 I am a liberal. I believe in things like a woman’s right to make her own reproductive choices. Sure, I would like to see the day when abortion would not be necessary, but I don’t think that that day would ever come.

I believe that HCR didn’t go far enough. I think that we should have looked at Canada, Australia and other countries that have successful nationalized health care models, see what works, why they work, and applied it here. I think that we should have looked at their social services models too.

I think that tax reform is a necessity. The top 3% of the country isn’t paying enough in taxes; capital gains and other tax write off loop holes should be closed. And this crap about not paying taxes on private jets… its bull sh*t.

On the other hand, I can be very conservative.  I obviously support the military. But I don’t support the military actions in Iraq or Afghanistan.

I support the death penalty. And there are things that deserve that severe punishment. But you had better have damned good proof.

I support the right to bear arms. But I don’t support the right to own a semi auto, massive clips or armor piercing rounds for the civilian population. You don’t need it. The military does. The police may. But civilians? Not so much. Go to the range, learn to fire your weapon, learn the best places to put a round, and then learn to get the f*ck out of there.

We have become a nation that creates most of our own problems out of whole cloth. Those on the extreme Right of the political spectrum would have you believe that people like me are the Devil incarnate. I am hardly that. I see, in a way, some of their positions, and how they can work, if they are tempered with some modicum of common sense, but the extremism that they espouse is only going to cause the ruin of this nation. They ran on a platform that they are not preforming on and the moderates of their party are running scared. And the moderate Liberals are just as frightened, it seems.

This nation, this great nation, was once looked up to as the epitome of what to be. We were unconventional. And now…

Rank Hath its Privilege – Or Not

There was once a time when rank in the military meant something. When the idea that you have worked your way through the ranks and achieved the status of a non-commissioned officer or commissioned officer meant that you had worked and studied hard, been evaluated and were valued by not only your peers but by the NCOs and the officers that you worked for.

In today’s “egalitarian” military, this is no longer true. While you are granted rank from private to private second, to private first and usually specialist (E1 to E2 to E3 and usually E4) as a matter of course, making it through BASIC and AIT, people seem to think that you should be handed E5 just as easily. And it’s just the thing that is happening. The Army especially is becoming heavy with NCOs who are not really qualified to be NCOs. It is also becoming top heavy with officers who are not qualified to be in the positions that they are in.

 Because no one is willing to write truthful evaluations. Sure, they are taking all the “right courses” and “doing all the right” things. But are they really ready to lead? Statics show that they are not.

As little as fifteen years ago, an Army Major was expected to entertain in his home. He would bring home work. He would counsel the soldiers and civilians under his command and treat his “employees” with respect. It was his job and his wife’s job to help maintain good order and discipline within the ranks of his unit by encouraging get togethers with the unit families and other group activities, outside the mission. He was expected to be the military equivalent of “upper middle management”.  

Today’s military makes this impossible. Officers are forced into positions where if they invite junior officers to their homes, it is seen as favoritism. Field grade officers are treated as if there are second lieutenants or privates on the job and yet are expected to shoulder the responsibilities of field grade officers. All in the name of fairness.

What may come to a shock to people is that the military is not built on what is fair. The military, with its proud and rich traditions was not built on fairness. It was built on a sense of pride, duty and honor. Too many of the young soldiers today come for a sense of entitlement, a sense of “if it’s good enough for the NCOs and officers, then it’s good enough for me!” without thinking that perhaps the NCOs and the officers have earned the privileges, that they are now being denied.

A story comes to mind about Army nurse, a Major, stationed at Walter Reed. The official title for her position was “Assistant Head” of the department that she was in, a position that did not exist. Her schedule was that of a second lieutenant. Her job duties were that of a Major, as she was also the department’s education coordinator. Where is the privilege of rank?  

The Beginning - Where it all starts...

The thought occurred to me, that I am probably one of the most unconventional of military wives. I am older than most of the 'newlywed" military wives that you see on post, I am former military, myself, so I really do have a clue as to what is going on, in the military, and I grew up in the military, and this isn't my first military marriage.

The "typical" military wife or spouse comes from one of two places. The starry eyes high school/college sweetheart, who followed her/his beloved into the military, right out of school, without a clue as to what hit them or the seasoned military brat, that ran away from home to go away to school and married a soldier (usually of a different branch than the parent) because that's who they fell in love with.

I'm in the second category. Daddy was career Navy. Mom was Women's Air Force (WAF). I married into the 82nd Airborne Division, the first time, I got married. Wasn't that just a kick in the pants?

Then I joined. Not the Navy or the Air Force... no... I joined the Army, because they would let me choose what I wanted to train as. I chose Combat Medic (91A). Brilliant choice. Totally useless in the "real world"! But there you go.

So what does this have to do with being unconventional? Well, maybe nothing. Maybe everything. But by the time that I was done, and my second husband was stationed at Ft Hood, Texas, his company commander's wife and I had a pretty good thing going with our family support group. We had monthly "teas" for the new wives, where we would sit them down and tell them the things that no one bothered to explain to them, about how things really work. Because, frankly, no one should go into to the world's most dysfunctional family blind.

Was it unconventional? I guess it was. No one else seemed to be doing it. And it was something that needed doing.

But who knows… maybe we were being unconventionally conventional…